I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
