his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's the barista slut.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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