I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
