If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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