mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize