I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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