its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
