HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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