somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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