That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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