So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
