you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
