wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
