he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
