My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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