Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
