hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize