eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
