Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
