there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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