I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
