I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
