guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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