I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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