Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
