dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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