wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
