i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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