I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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