just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
