My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?