so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.