Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!