I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one