"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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