Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize