youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
