my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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