He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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