This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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