what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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