I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
