woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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