I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
