I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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