my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
