I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
