Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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