Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
