We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
