walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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