So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
