two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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