Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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