alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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