After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
